You’ve Already Proven Yourself
The other day, a client came to me after getting a well-earned promotion, and thinking they were going to be super excited about it, they surprised me by nervously saying, “Now, I really need to prove myself!”
Wait … what?
“Hold up,” I said. “You’ve already done that—your reviews, your hard work, the results you’ve produced, and even a boss who championed you for this new position. That’s done.”
Their wheels turning.
“You’ve already proven yourself. So, it’s not about proving you can do the job. It’s about improving in it, making this position your own.”
They slowly began to smile.
Ding.
I see this a lot in my coaching practice. People finally hit the moment they’ve been waiting for, the job, the promotion, the first date, only to feel they have to prove themselves... again.
What’s the Difference?
At first glance, prove and improve sound similar, but they’re worlds apart.
To prove means “to demonstrate the truth or existence of something through evidence or argument.” It’s meeting expectations, showing what you can do, proving to others you’re legit.
Improvement, though, is about “making something better, enhancing, or growing.”
So, proving gets you the shot. But improving? That’s about what you do with it—getting better, building, and learning.
Proving is essential—it’s your foot in the door. Improving, though? That’s about leveling up, exploring your potential, and owning the space you’ve worked hard to enter.
And staying in “prove mode”? That only leads to anxiety, self-doubt, and constant validation-seeking. It’s exhausting. When you’re stuck there, you’re only as good as your last success, always wondering if you’re enough.
But shifting to improvement turns the question around. Instead of, “Am I good enough?” it’s, “How can I get better?” That’s the confidence-building shift.
Proving Leads to Improving, Which Leads to Change
This isn’t just a nice idea—it’s a game-changing mindset.
Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck’s research on “growth mindset” shows that focusing on improvement, not just proving yourself, builds resilience, better results, and deeper satisfaction. With a growth mindset, you’re not just proving you belong; you’re investing in becoming more of who you are at your best. Which means it allows you to value what you’re doing, more than what you’ve done.
And here’s the thing that sucks: Not everyone around you will love it. In fact, some people may hate it.
Why don’t they just improve themselves too?
Well, because that’s scary. I mean, what would they do with a life that gave them most everything they wanted?
Most people want to see you do well—just not better than them.
So, if you’re surrounded by people stuck on that proving treadmill, your improvement may leave them behind. They’ll keep running in place while you’re breaking new ground, headed for a different destination.
And you know what? That’s okay.
How This Looks in Your Life
In a promotion, your performance reviews and that boss’s endorsement already proved you’re right for the role—just like what happened with my client.
Now, improving means setting and reaching new benchmarks. You’re mastering new skills, building relationships, and learning to manage challenges in fresh ways. Proving was about showing you could do the job. Improving is about becoming someone who owns it.
Or, let’s talk about a new relationship. You’ve already proven you’re someone worth getting to know. You’re funny, smart, attractive, and interesting. Now, improving means listening, being vulnerable, and deepening trust. You’re not just proving you’re a “good catch”; you’re building a partnership worth keeping.
Or maybe it’s your health. Proving might look like hitting a fitness milestone. But improving makes that a lifestyle, something sustainable. It’s learning to listen to your body and adjusting your approach. It’s not for anyone else’s validation—it’s for building a life worth living to the fullest.
Staying in “prove mode” is like running laps on a track—pushing hard without really gaining ground. Improvement breaks that cycle, taking you off the track entirely, letting you reach new destinations and expand what you’re capable of.
The Pressure to Prove vs. the Freedom to Improve
Proving is valuable. We all need to establish ourselves, demonstrate what we’re capable of, and build trust. But once you’ve proven you can get there, it’s time to let go of that external pressure and embrace the freedom of improvement.
Improvement lets you focus on your desire for betterment—not just the outside view, but the experience of who you’re becoming.
And improving doesn’t mean it’s always going to be easy. You’re going to screw up. You’re going to hit setbacks. But those are opportunities, not judgments. Improvement builds confidence because you’re focused on the process, not just the outcome. Each failure becomes fuel for growth rather than a source of shame.
So now what?
I challenge you to think about an area of life where you've been focused on proving. What if, starting today, you committed to improving instead? Is it at work? In your personal growth? In your relationships? Or maybe somewhere else?
Remember, as John C. Maxwell says, “Change is inevitable; growth is optional.”
So, make the choice for growth. Because I’d love to see you standing tall.
* * *
If you want to dive deeper into navigating your way through suffering, check out my audio Rescue Your Dreams™ A Podcast to Save the Life You Forgot You Wanted.
Live right now is my new episode with Joy Thomas & Jenelle Landgraf, the brilliant twin sisters behind the Double Vision blog. And we talk suffering and compassion, which might just be the extra fuel you need to have the conversations you’ve been avoiding.
While you’re there, be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss the next one.
If you’re interested in taking your life to the next level, you can schedule a free consultation call with me to see if personal coaching would help you Rescue Your Dreams™ so you can transform your reality.
Click HERE for my Calendly link!
Ever upward!