You’ve lost your luster
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a speaker hold up a crisp $20 bill and ask the audience, “Who wants this?”
Every single hand goes up.
Then, the speaker crumples the bill, squeezes it into a tight, wrinkled mess, and asks again, “Who wants this now?”
The hands shoot up just as fast.
Then, for dramatic effect, they throw the bill on the ground, grind it underfoot, and pick it up, now wrinkled and covered in dirt. Once more, they ask, “Who still wants this?”
And sure enough, every hand in the room is raised.
The speaker goes in for the kill: “See, no matter what happened to this bill, it didn’t lose its value. You’re the same. No matter what you’ve been through, you’re still valuable.” And everyone nods and sighs with that “Ahhh” moment.
It’s nice, right? But, that’s only part of the story.
Sure, we’re valuable. No matter the heartbreaks, betrayals, lies, and letdowns, our core worth doesn’t just disappear.
But we’re not like a $20 bill. We’re not something that can be crumpled up, traded, tossed aside, or forgotten about. We’re not paper that can just be flattened out again and thrown back into circulation.
We’re something way more valuable.
We’re diamonds.
And as diamonds we can lose something that makes us truly shine: our luster.
Think of the times you’ve been lied to, betrayed, or even had your reputation stomped on. Or those moments when you doubted yourself, believed you’d never find or deserve better, or made choices that led you to question your worth. Those moments don’t take away your intrinsic value, but they can dull your shine and make you start to believe that you’re less than you are.
You’re still a diamond, still valuable—but maybe you’ve lost a bit of your luster.
Losing luster.
Here’s how it happens:
Dirt and Grime: The oils from hands, makeup, and everyday grime can build up on a diamond and make it look dull. For us, it’s the “grime” from other people’s negativity, their judgments, criticism, and sometimes outright lies they tell us. Slowly, these things settle in and dim our sparkle, and we start to believe them.
Scratches: Even though diamonds are one of the hardest materials, they can still get scratched. For us, these are the emotional wounds—those sharp comments, betrayals, and heartaches. They don’t destroy us, but they do leave marks.
Inclusions: Every diamond has natural flaws inside, called inclusions, that interfere with its brilliance. For us, inclusions are the little doubts and fears that creep in. Maybe we think we’re not good enough, or that we’re “too much” for someone. Or that we have to settle for less that we deserve. These beliefs don’t ruin us, but they can sure make it harder to shine.
Chips and Damage: Physical damage, like chipping or cracking, can reduce a diamond’s sparkle. These are the (not so) little dings—the lies, the inconsistencies, the broken promises. They don’t change our worth, but they can make us feel less brilliant.
Chemical Exposure: Diamonds can get damaged by harsh chemicals over time. For us, it’s the toxic relationships or friendships—the ones that wear us down, tell us we’re not good enough, don’t want us to do “better” than them, or make us feel unworthy. Over time, this erodes our sense of self-worth.
Extreme Temperature Changes: Rapid shifts in temperature can make a diamond lose its shine. For us, these are those life-altering changes that hit out of nowhere. Beyond the carpet being pulled out from under you, we’re talking scorched earth. The betrayals that leave you reeling, and sometimes it’s hard to find your shine again.
Please tell me there’s good news, Adam.
The good news? While a diamond might lose its luster, when put in the hands of a skilled jeweler, it can still shine. And just like diamonds, we can regain our brilliance with a little extra care and the right relationships.
A nurturing, healthy romantic relationship isn’t just about love. It’s about feeling seen, heard, and valued. This is the partner who truly listens, who respects your boundaries, who doesn’t try to “fix” you but instead helps you remember who you are. They remind you that you’re valuable every single day.
And they don’t lie to you.
A true friendship? That’s someone who has your back, encourages you to grow, and is there to lift you up when you’re down. They don’t keep score, they don’t hold grudges.
Instead, they help you feel whole, like they see every bit of your value. They’re the ones who help you dust off the grime and polish the scratches, reminding you of your brilliance. They’re happy for your successes and aren’t threatened or trying to drag you down when you do better than them.
And, they also don’t lie to you.
Yes, like the $20 bill, you have value—tremendous, tremendous value. But if you can’t see it, maybe you’ve lost your luster or maybe you’ve forgotten how to let your light shine. And if others can’t see it, maybe they’re just not experienced enough to recognize it, or draw it out of us.
So, if you feel a little dim lately, know that your worth hasn’t gone anywhere. Maybe it’s time to find or reconnect with the people who bring out your shine. Because the truth is, you deserve to feel brilliant.
So now what?
If the people in your life are making you lose your luster, ask yourself:
Who are you when you're at your best?
Who are the five people you currently spend the most time with?
Do these individuals allow you to shine?
Are their qualities in line with the person you are at your best?
Do they support you or pull you away from your own goals?
Do they lift you up or bring you down?
Whether you know them personally or not, who are the top five people that could help you shine?
How can you get more time with them, or learn more about them?
Remember, you’re a diamond. And while life might throw some grime and scratches your way, your shine is yours to reclaim.
You just may need the help of a skilled and honest relational jeweler.
So, shine on you crazy diamond! And let me know who in your life makes you shine by responding to this newsletter or dropping me a DM on IG at @adammock.lcs.
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Ever upward!