Are They Destroying Your Peace?
You can tell a lot about someone by how they respond to truth.
You shine a light into their life through honest feedback, well-meaning advice, or even just an honest observation about someone’s blind spots, and what happens next tells you everything.
Dr. Henry Cloud nails it in his book “Necessary Endings.” He says there are three types of people: the wise, the fool, and the evil. And how they respond to truth determines the kind of role they play in your life—and what they bring to your table.
And sometimes that illumination brings a sobering reality—not everyone deserves a seat.
The Wise.
Wise people are the VIPs of your circle.
When you shine the light of truth into their life, they don’t run or deflect—they lean in. They listen. They adjust their behavior to align with the truth. And they thank you for it.
Why?
Because wise people value growth over comfort. They know they’re not perfect (no one is), which means they’re open to learning and getting better.
I love being around wise people. They’re the strongest and most courageous people you’ll ever meet. Because they understand that in order to grow, you have to be open to hearing some uncomfortable truths and take life-changing action with that information.
Examples of Wise People in Your Life
Friendships: You tell a friend they’ve been distracted during your hangouts. Always checking their phone and making you feel like they’re not fully listening. Instead of getting defensive, they say, “Wow, I didn’t realize that. Thanks for telling me—I’ll work on being more present.”
Family Members: You gently explain to a parent or sibling that a certain comment hurt your feelings. They apologize, take accountability, and try not to repeat it.
Romantic Relationships: Your partner listens when you say their teasing sometimes feels more hurtful and passive aggressive than playful. They reflect on it, apologize, and adjust how they communicate.
Coworkers: You give constructive feedback to a teammate about how they handle deadlines, and they respond with curiosity and action, asking how they can improve.
Keep wise people close. Cherish them and don’t take them for granted. Wise people are rare, and they make you better. Invest in them. Learn from them. And most importantly, be one yourself.
The Fool.
Foolish people are maddening to deal with.
When you shine a light of truth on a fool, they don’t adjust their behavior—they adjust the light. They deflect, make excuses, or try to turn the conversation back on you.
Fools don’t see feedback as an opportunity. They see it as an attack. And instead of growing, they double down on their behavior.
Examples of Fools in Your Life
Friendships: You point out that they consistently cancel plans with you at the last minute, making you feel like they don’t respect you or your time. Instead of apologizing and owning it, they respond with, “I don’t see what the big deal is. I’m not stopping you from still going out!”
Family Members: You try to set a boundary with a family member, and they say, “You’re being dramatic,” or, “After everything I’ve done for you?”
Romantic Relationships: You tell your partner that you’re feeling neglected and don’t feel like you’ve been connecting lately. Instead of addressing your feelings, they accuse you of being “too needy.”
Coworkers: You highlight a mistake in a project, and instead of taking accountability, they throw someone else under the bus or say, “Well, if they would have been more clear, this wouldn’t be an issue.”
When it comes to fools, stop wasting your energy trying to change them. Fools don’t respond to advice—they respond to consequences.
Personally, I won’t tolerate the company of fools. They drain my energy and take away from the time I could be investing in healthier, more meaningful relationships. That’s why I greatly limit the access fools have to me—or remove them from my life all together.
Set boundaries, enforce them, and know it’s okay to prioritize your peace.
The Evil.
Here’s the good news: Evil people are rare.
Here’s the bad news: If you have one in your life, they can wreak havoc.
Evil people don’t just ignore the light of truth—they destroy it. They’re not interested in the truth. They’re interested in control. They’ll manipulate, lie, sabotage, and actively work against you to get what they want.
And sometimes they’ll do it with a smile on their face.
Examples of Evil People in Your Life
Friendships: A so-called friend shares your secrets to hurt your reputation—or worse, outright lies about you. When confronted about it, they deny it.
Family Members: A toxic relative undermines your decisions, spreads rumors, or tries to turn other family members against you.
Romantic Relationships: A partner gaslights you, lies to deceive you, dismisses your concerns entirely, or uses fear and manipulation to maintain power in the relationship.
Coworkers: A colleague steals credit for your work, sabotages your projects, or spreads malicious gossip to damage your career.
With evil people, protect yourself at all costs. You can’t reason with evil. Cut them off, distance yourself, block them, and seek professional/legal help if necessary.
Once you shine a light of truth on them, some evil people will give you a counterfeit apology because you caught them or called them out. But don’t expect evil people to truly change. Expect them to continue to deceive and devalue you, all in an effort to have their way.
So now what?
The people you surround yourself with shape your life.
Wise people lift you up. Fools drag you down. Evil people can destroy you.
If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or undervalued, take a good look at who you’re keeping close. Who’s in your inner circle?
Ask Yourself:
Who listens when I shine a light of truth?
Who dodges the light, blames others, or makes excuses?
Who actively works against me?
The answers might surprise you.
And if you want to live a better life, you need to make room at the table for better relationships.
Double Down on the Wise.
- Invest time and energy into these relationships.
- Show appreciation. Let them know how much you value their presence in your life.
Set Boundaries with Fools.
- Be clear about what you will and won’t tolerate.
- Enforce consequences if they cross the line. (They probably will.)
Protect Yourself from Evil.
- Don’t try to fix them.
- Cut ties or distance yourself. If it’s unavoidable (like at work), document everything and seek support.
Do a Self-Check.
- Are you responding to truth like the wise, the fool, or the evil?
- Be honest with yourself. Growth starts with self-awareness.
The people around you are either helping you grow, holding you back, or tearing you down. You can’t control how they act—but you can control how much access they have to your life.
Choose wisely.
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