How to take control of your happiness.

What exactly is happiness?

Happiness is your ability to be satisfied with life and content to enjoy the many things it offers.

Your happiness also contributes to your overall emotional intelligence, which simply put, is the ability to use your emotions intelligently.

But did you know that your happiness is also a product of your emotional intelligence? Which means your happiness is an indicator of your emotional health and well-being.

And if happiness is both a contributor to your emotional intelligence AND a product of it, then there’s a lot within your control when it comes to nurturing your sense of well-being.

There are four key emotional intelligence domains that work together to increase your overall feeling of happiness:

• Self-Regard

• Optimism

• Interpersonal Relationships

• Self-Actualization

Let’s break these down and see how you can be more intentional about cultivating each of these domains to feel more satisfied and content.

Self-Regard
and how to build it

Self-regard is the ability to accept your strengths and weaknesses, live according to your values, and believe in yourself. Your feelings of inner-strength and self-confidence are often associated with this area of your life.

Your self-regard comes from two important sources:

1. What you believe you’re good at.
2. Who you believe loves or likes you.

To optimize your self-regard (and increase your happiness) you need a healthy balance of these two sources.

Ask yourself, on a scale of 0-100, how much do you like yourself?

Based on that number, ask yourself how much (on a scale of 0-100) would you want to like yourself?

Now get clear about three things:

• What stands in your way of liking yourself as much as you’d want to?
  a. Make a list of all the obstacles and self-talk that keeps you from this.
  b. Challenge any negative self-talk that has no merit.
  c. Don’t bully yourself or be your own worst enemy!

• List your strengths.
  a. What are you good at? Are you smart? Good with your hands? Funny?
  b. Ask people close to you for some insight.
  c. Review this list daily and add to it as needed.

• List the names of people who love or like you.
  a. Next to each name write down what they love or like about you.

Checking in regularly with your strengths and support systems, along with reviewing what stands in the way of increasing your self-regard, can go far toward improving it.

Optimism
and how to build it

Optimism is about having a positive attitude and outlook on life.

It’s NOT about toxic positivity. When challenges and setbacks arise, optimistic people don’t lie to themselves by saying, “Everything will be fine, I just know it!”

Sometimes things don’t go as well as planned.

And sometimes everything is not okay.

It’s important to know that optimism doesn’t deny what’s real. If something sucks, optimistic people are comfortable enough to say it sucks.

So, what sets optimistic people apart and how can you develop your optimism?

Optimistic people display three very important traits when faced with challenges and setbacks:

1. They view challenges and setbacks as TEMPORARY and not permanent.
   Optimistic people know bad times don’t last. They see it for what it is, make a plan, and move forward.

2. They view challenges and setbacks as SITUATIONAL and not pervasive.
   When challenges arise, optimistic people understand it’s a product of the situation and not something that happens everywhere in their life. For example, losing your job over downsizing means it was a bad situation, but not that you’re unemployable.

3. They DON’T PERSONALIZE challenges and setbacks.
   Optimistic people don’t believe a black cloud follows them everywhere they go, that “This always happens to me.” or that they’re destined to fail and never get ahead.

Take these three traits and see how you can improve your optimism by improving your perspective of challenging situations.

Interpersonal Relationships
and how to build them

Having mutually satisfying relationships that are characterized by trust and compassion can help mitigate the negative effects of life’s demands. And this is a skill you can develop to increase your happiness.

There are two behaviors that can help build solid relationships:

1. The give and take of emotionally intimate information.
2. The give and take of affection.

So, sharing with a friend that you’re excited about an upcoming trip with them and letting them know how much you enjoy spending time with them, can help strengthen your relationship because it activates these two behaviors.

But you can take it a step further by knowing this psychological secret: we like being around people who allow us to display the qualities we love most about ourselves.

And this is true of everyone.

Meaning, if there’s someone you want to grow closer with, then genuinely allow them to show what they admire most about themselves.

If someone considers themselves to be wise, comment on their insight.

If they like their own sense of humor, don’t hold back your laughter.

And if they enjoy sharing their ideas, ask them what they think.

Self-Actualization
and how to build it

This is all about self-improvement and the pursuit of meaningful goals that enrich your life.

Part of your happiness comes from tapping into your self-actualization and willingly going on a journey of personal development that aligns with your values and interests. And when you’re able to consistently develop this area of your life, great achievements become possible.

The real power of this comes in growing both your passions and talents, which sometimes overlap.

A quick way to get started in this realm is ask yourself:

1. What activities do I approach with the greatest energy?
2. What am I really good at?
3. What have been 3-4 of my biggest successes?

Use the answers to these insight questions as a guide for where to start. Once you’ve identified your passions, talents, and successes, be intentional about looking for ways to gain small but consistent wins in things you love to do and come naturally to you.

You’ll find that over time, you’ll strive for bigger goals and have a healthier relationship with failure when things don’t work out.

Both of which will bolster your sense of well-being.

So now what?

Well, now it’s time to choose your own adventure.

Choose which area you feel needs your immediate attention and begin there.

And keep in mind, although we have the means to affect our happiness, it’s important to understand that the goal in life isn’t always to be happy. Some situations are just bad, and it’s okay to not be happy about a terrible situation.

If you’re interested in taking these steps further, you can schedule a free consultation call with me to see if personal coaching would help you Rescue Your Dreams™ so you can transform your reality.

Click HERE for my Calendly link! 

Ever upward!