Three words to calm your anger
“Man, sometimes you can be such an asshole."
Who?
Me?
There’s no way he could be talking about me.
“I don’t think you’re aware of how you’re coming across.”
Yup. He’s talking about me.
You ever get blindsided by a comment like that?
I have.
That’s a true story up there.
A friend of mine was trying to tell me that I don’t always come across the way I intend to. And when I don’t, it can be brutal.
And sometimes even mean.
My first reaction when he said that was to go on the defense.
“I’m just having fun, why is everyone taking this so seriously?!”
And even though I asked the question, I don’t think I really wanted to hear the answer.
“Because it’s not always fun for everyone else.”
Ouch.
This conversation put me at a fork in the road. Continue down the path I’m going by getting more defensive, making excuses, and blaming everyone around me.
Or . . .
Take the road less traveled and actually listen. Without judgment. And even without my short-sighted opinion.
“We have the power to hold no opinion about a thing and to not let it upset our state of mind.”
- Marcus Aurelius
The moment I paused and thought about which road I wanted to head down, I remembered three powerful words that instantly conquered my anger and defensiveness . . .
IT’S JUST INFORMATION.
That’s it. That’s all it is.
IT’S JUST INFORMATION.
And I can use information to my advantage.
What my friend was doing was INFORMING me, NOT judging me. It wasn’t personal.
The moment I reminded myself that what he said was just information, I felt liberated. Because now I knew more than I did before.
I now knew that my actions and words can sometimes come across like I’m an asshole.
A jerk.
And that’s not what I want or who I want to be.
See many times when we’re given feedback, or someone points out a blind spot we have, we instantly rush to being defensive. As if we have a reasonable excuse for everything we do, and why we are the way we are.
But when we do that, we end up personalizing what’s been said, and we run the risk of feeling like our identity is being attacked.
If we can pause long enough to remind ourselves that IT’S JUST INFORMATION, words that we normally allow to wound us become like passing clouds. They’re just here for a short while and on their way through.
We can look at them. Study them. See if we notice signs of rain and if we need to take shelter. Or maybe they’re just covering the sun for a moment, giving us a break from the heat.
Either way, it doesn’t have to hurt us. And it may even help us.
When I tell that story now, I’m grateful that my friend cared enough about me to say something. To point out my blind spots in the hopes that maybe I would learn to regulate myself a bit and be more intentional about my actions.
He gave me a gift.
And BTW, if someone is intentionally trying to hurt you with their words, it’s still just information. It’s informing you that maybe this is someone that needs to be kept at a distance. Especially if it’s a pattern with them. But you don’t have to give your power away and let their words hurt you.
IT’S JUST INFORMATION.
So now what?
Try it yourself.
Add this to your toolset for life.
The next time someone tells you something that is difficult to hear, feels personal, and instantly puts you on the defense, pause.
IT’S JUST INFORMATION.
It might be information about you. Or it might just inform you about the other person.
Either way, you’ll know so you can make better choices for your life.
And as GI Joe always says, “Knowing is half the battle.”
* * *
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Ever upward!