How to avoid becoming your feelings.
If you’re not careful, you may become what you feel.
Fusion - (fu·sion):
1. The act of fusing (or melting) together.
2. An occurrence that involves the production of a union.
3. The state of being combined into one body.
Have you seen the movie, The Fly?
The original is from 1958. But I prefer the cult-classic version from 1986 starring Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis.
In the movie, Seth Brundle (Goldblum) creates a teleportation device made up of two pods, allowing you to step into one, and be teleported across the room to the other. After some failed trials Seth decides to test it on himself. And to his surprise the device works as Seth is teleported to the other pod.
But unbeknownst to him, a housefly had slipped into the pod with him right before he activated the device.
What initially seemed like a success, slowly turns into a catastrophic mistake, as the fly’s cells begin to take over Seth’s body, mutating him into a grotesque hybrid of mostly fly and barely human.
Seth fused with the fly.
“Now I’m not Seth Brundle anymore. I’m the offspring of... Brundle and housefly.”
And although we don’t have teleportation pods (yet), all of us are still in danger of fusing with something that can be quite volatile . . . our emotions.
See, fusion is when your feelings become attached to who you are, your identity. And to quote Veronica (Davis) from the film, if that happens, you should “Be afraid. Be very afraid.”
Because if you end up fusing with your feelings, your identity will become as distorted as “Brundle-fly”.
Innocently enough, many of us don’t even know that we’re doing this.
And we’re doing it to the detriment of our mental health.
Susan David is a Harvard medical psychologist and author of a great book called “Emotional Agility”. And I had the privilege of sitting in a workshop led by Susan, when she dropped knowledge on this very topic of fusion, and it blew my mind.
See, many of us when we are experiencing a challenging emotion like anger, sadness, or even worry, innocently say something like, “I’m angry”, “I’m sad”, or “I’m worried”.
Now, what we don’t realize is when we say, “I am” followed by what that challenging emotion is, what we’re really telling our mind is that “I AM [that emotion]”.
So instead of just saying “I’m angry”, “I’m sad”, or “I’m worried”, what we’re really telling ourselves is . . .
I AM anger.
I AM sadness.
I AM worry.
And just like Seth Brundle, slowly, over time, we’re conditioning ourselves to become what we feel. We’re allowing it to “fuse” with our identity.
But emotions come and go, just like passing clouds. And we have to remind ourselves that they are moving through us, but they are NOT who we are.
To avoid this pitfall of fusion, you have to make a simple shift in the narrative of your mind and how you express what you’re feeling in that moment.
So, instead of saying . . .
“I am angry.”
“I am sad.”
“I am worried.”
“I am [fill in the blank].”
. . . shift your language to:
“I NOTICE THAT I’M FEELING angry.”
“I notice that I’m feeling sad.”
“I notice that I’m feeling worried.”
“I notice that I’m feeling [fill in the blank].”
See, when we shift this language, both internally in our minds and externally when we’re expressing ourselves, what we’re really saying is, “[this emotion] is here, but it’s passing through. I’m observing it. It is not attached to me, and it’s definitely not a part of my identity. And it’s not who I want to become!”
So now what?
Try this for the next 30 days and let me know how the more challenging emotions shift from feeling all permeating, all encompassing, and like they’re a part of your DNA, to something that is just passing through, that you can observe and allow to come and go.
Just like a housefly.
If you’re interested in taking these techniques further, you can schedule a free consultation call with me to see if personal coaching would help you Rescue Your Dreams™ so you can transform your reality.
Click HERE for my Calendly link!